Let me tell you a little something about public school teachers. We are hilarious. I mean it. We entertain people for a living, so a lot of us are really super funny.
Also, we spend days alone in a room with little people, so we are sorta desperate for adult interaction. I go from 4th graders home to my own little people, so my day consists of a LOT of “Oh, wow, so cool!” and “Sure, you can tell me about that time your dad visited a place you can’t remember with a person you can’t remember at some point in his life but it obviously has a point that will come out sort of soon.”
So, then there is lunchtime. The teacher’s lounge, yo. It’s where it’s at. My school is great because most of the teachers actually do come down to eat, and we have a really good time. Sometime we talk about students we are worried about (but never by name, don’t worry) or hilarious things kids do or say (like the boys who ran out of the room after the puberty video yelling “Testicles!” and making a very inappropriate hand gesture), but most of the time, we like to take our minds completely off the kids, and just try to be silly adults.
We see a lot of sad stuff in our day, and our jobs are super stressful, so we do a lot of laughing. There was one time that somehow we got on the topic of gross jobs and I found out that basically there’s a job out there where you are a “horse masturbater.” Do you follow? I don’t blame you if you don’t. But they are the guy that gets a horse,uh, ready for breeding.
Anyway, I digress. This week we were laughing pretty hard talking about ways we let our husbands know we are not in the mood (did I mention in my school there are only 2 men in the whole building? Hey, guys, public elementary schools need you!). Someone was cracking me up describing how she fakes sleep by breathing really slowly and heavily, and another lady was saying how she starts talking about her headache a good 45 minutes before bed.
As we were talking, I realized there was someone I’ve never seen before sitting at the lunch table, a substitute having her first day at our building. She was a tiny little lady, probably about 65 years old, with bright red, spiky hair. We were in the middle of laughing, when out of nowhere, she dead-panned, “Well, you should just be single and desperate like me! Then you wouldn’t need to worry about it,” and shrugged her shoulders.
I swear there was this moment of complete silence, like we all froze. And then we ROARED with laughter. This lady is so my idol. I haven’t stopped laughing about it all week. As soon as we left the lounge, I made a note in my phone “Sex lady sub” so I wouldn’t forget to write a post about it. 🙂
The grass is always greener, right? 🙂