It’s not you, it’s me…

You guys.  Sometimes adulting is so. hard.  We know this.  We have sick parents, and marriage struggles, and money problems, and career changes and natural disasters and stress and hello, KIDS.

What’s been on my mind lately, though, is friendship.

Yes, friendship.

You, see, I teach 4th grade, otherwise known as “The year all girls realize it’s possible to fight or cry about every single thing every other person says.”  I mean, I’m sort of kidding, but really, there is a LOT of drama.

And I don’t think it ever ends.

The drama, you guys!  I know that I am a “sensitive” person.  I’ve been told this countless times throughout my life.  I need to toughen up, be more assertive.  I need to not take everything so seriously and just move on.

I swear I try, but I can’t.  I cannot.  I live every situation deep down to my bones and no matter what I do, I just feel it all.

When I was growing up, I remember my parents having friends.  They played cards together on Saturday nights, and sometimes went out for dinner and I had a baby-sitter.  I assumed that once you were an adult, your friends were just people that you hang out with that share your hobbies.

Did they argue?  Did they talk behind each other’s backs?  Did they judge each other and blame each other and just stop being friends?

Lately, I’ve just been feeling bad.  I know there are people who believe that a new person comes into your life to serve a purpose and then they leave again when they’re done.  But, I’m good at keeping friends, usually, and I want them to stay.

However, I’ve gotten friend “dumped” a couple of different ways in the last few years.  It’s a very strange phenomenon, especially when you figure in social media.  Sure, there are friendships that just grow apart, but then there are friends with whom you are super close and then just like that…you’re not.  There’s never a finale, an end scene, like there is in a romantic relationship.  You don’t get an explanation, “Yeah, hi, so you are emotionally distant, so I’d like to break up.”

How do you not take it personally when someone just decides you’re not worth their time anymore?  And, to be honest, I really used to think that I could be the person that everybody liked.  HA.  HA.  HA.  Lately I have felt SO judged, and so misunderstood, and I swear it’s like being back in the 8th grade when Sarah B made fun of how big my nose is (it IS big, by the way, but whatever!).

So then, you know how you see your ex-boyfriend at Target and you run and hide behind a clothes rack so he doesn’t see that you’ve put on 10 pounds or that you still aren’t wearing a wedding ring?  What happens when you see your ex-friend out at Target?  Do you exchange surface level pleasantries (I’m good thanks, how are you?)?  Do you acknowledge the fact that you used to spend holidays together and now you didn’t even know they switched jobs and moved houses?

My husband is always telling me to be thankful for the friends I have (and I have some seriously freaking awesome ones) and not to dwell on the ones that have ditched me.  Easier said than done, right?

What do you all think?  Has this happened to you?  What do we do?



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