Um, you guys? Let’s talk about all the reasons why I hate Pinterest.
- It’s ruined kid birthday parties for all moms everywhere. Gone are the days of throwing hot dogs in a crockpot and buying a yellow bag of lays and some Hi-C and letting the kids run around the backyard. For both of my kids’ 1st birthdays, I did the whole Pinterest thing. What did it get me? A bill of like $600, 100 hours spent making crap on my Cricut, a baby who slept through almost the whole thing, and a lot of leftovers because no one wants to eat things like “Owl bet you love gummy bears!”
- I am a teacher, and I tried to use it for cute lesson ideas. But, you know what? Every time I find something I could actually use, I click it and either takes me to a) a page where I have to buy the damn thing, or b) a blog where I search for 45 minutes and still can’t find the thing I actually want.
- Workout videos RIGHT next to dessert recipes. Need I say more?
- Flourless, sugarless, only-made-of-air desserts that are AMAZING OMG???? Um…not amazing at all. You can’t fool me.
- Get fit in 7 minutes a day with these easy workouts? BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH
- Halloween. Halloween has been totally turned into a giant burning pit from Hell. All I want to do is get a white sheet from a rummage sale, cut some eye-holes in it, and say my kid’s a ghost. Um….have you seen what “ghosts” look like now? You need $250 in supplies from Michaels and a blow torch to make it.
- Oh, wait, back to being a teacher. Apparently, now at things like Open House, Halloween, Christmas, Valentine’s Day, Easter, and the last day of school, I’m supposed to make something cute that matches a saying. I am “Bursting” with excitement for this year! Here are some hard starburst that I dug out of my kid’s Halloween candy from last year!
- It puts so much pressure on you to do everything yourself. Some of us REALLY should just buy the stuff. Some of us just don’t do things the way everyone else wants us to.
- Pinterest projects keep you awake at night. How, might you ask? Well, here we go. Last summer I had this brilliant idea that we should try to get to as many of the 50 states as we can as a family while we can travel. So I wanted to buy this framed map thing with pins, but my husband was all, “Omg, we can make that.” So, I ordered a map of the U.S. and he went about bought like trim or something from Home Depot and some cork board squares. Oh, and double sided tape. Well, guess what? It’s fallen and slid down behind my bed like 10 times. And then. And THEN! Last night. My husband’s out of the country, so I’m sleeping in here alone. Suddenly, in the middle of the night I wake up. I look at my phone and it is 2:30 a.m. Why am I awake? Did a kid cry? Is there a burglar? Wait…what’s that sound? It sounds like….um, YEAH IT SOUNDS LIKE THE SOUND OF PLASTIC RIPPING OFF OF DOUBLE SIDED TAPE. So, I try to fall back asleep, and I am dozing off when….oh, yes. You guessed it. THE WHOLE DARN THING FELL RIGHT ON MY FACE.
Here is where it should be:
And, where it is now, after I ninja chopped it off my face in the middle of the night.
In closing, I, Christy, solemnly swear that I am DONE with Pinterest. We are breaking up. And I won’t be mad if you do, too!