- That whole thing where the kid asks, “Are we there yet?” over and over and over and over? Yep, it’s legit. NON-STOP.
- My children refuse to be convinced that their dad is ALSO in the car with them. I’m telling you, I heard, “Hey, Mama?” 1,456,800 times in a 2.5 hour car ride. At one point, one of them said, “Mom, why is Dad going on this trip, again?” I swear. Somebody should follow me with a camera to freeze my facial expressions. I said, ever so calmly, “I don’t know. Maybe you could ask your dad, who is sitting next to me.” No, lie, I got: “Mom, can you ask dad why he’s going on this trip?”
- Swimming in a hotel pool….I mean, it’s just never fun. Either other kids are acting a fool, or your own kids are being naughty, or you’re certain by the look on an adult’s face that they’re actually peeing in the pool. Also, I have been reading/listening to WAY too much stuff about True Crime, because this morning, I saw this man with an approximately 12-year-old girl, and I was convinced he had kidnapped her and I spent the whole morning trying to make eye contact with her so she could let me know she needed help. I’m just now realizing that they probably thought I was trying to kidnap her. Huh. Oops.
- Rest stops. They make the perfect place for kidnapping. And for my son to decide to throwback to his 2-year-old days and whip the stall door open while I’m in mid-wipe. Awesome.
- Children’s Museums. These are the places where I can see a microcosm of everything that’s wrong with how we’re raising children. My kid can’t play because all the good toys are being used by the grown-ups. My kid can’t get to the toy because the grown up is “helping” their child use the toy (i.e. doing it for them). My kid takes a toy from someone else, or does a normal asshole kind of kid thing, and the parent wants to have a fight. I mean, I want to let the kids work it out, but whatever. Then someone’s kid does something to my kid and the adult apologizes to me 87,000 times and I’m like, uh, it’s totally fine. Today I saw a grown man holding his 8 year old so he could slide down this hill thing. UM LET THE KID FALL THAT IS HOW THEY LEARN.
- Diet Coke. Girl, you know it’s true. Ooh ooh oooohhh, I love youuuuuu.
- And….early bedtime tonight, yo.