If you read anything today, read this:

I want to tell you about my friend Susan:

I met her kind of accidentally. I wanted to be a writer. She is a local writer. So I friended her on Facebook and sent a message saying as much. She accepted.

Then, I was in a little show called Listen to Your Mother. She was in it, too, but the year before. We went to a little reunion for both casts and I got to meet her. Then we started really corresponding. I had/have so many questions for her.

She is just one of those people, you guys. The kind of person that you just automatically know she’s amazing and wise. She is hilarious and says what she means without ever actually being mean. You can tell she stands up for what she believes in and has passion for living.

She graduated college with a degree in journalism and worked at a newspaper during Watergate. Yep. I know. She’s so cool.

One day I asked her to coffee so I could hear about her career. Two major things happened during that meeting:

1. We saw a woman walk past us with a t-shirt that said, “Be a Kind Human.”
2. Susan told me that her cancer was back. Breast cancer. 3rd time around.

We both decided we REALLY wanted one of those shirts. So one of Susan’s friends, an artist, had her write “Be a Kind Human.” and she used her handwriting to design a shirt.

Here she is, in the front in red, wearing the shirt:

Sue has a thing-all the times when her cancer has come, she has traveled around and taken pictures with people wearing a pink nose. Why? Because she wants to tell cancer that it can’t take away her laughter. She wants EVERYONE to know that she is here, and laughing, and writing, and spreading kindness wherever she goes.

Here we are with our pink noses when she came to drop off school supplies for my classroom (Seriously. I know. She’s freaking incredible):

I am inviting you, today, to spread the love and buy this shirt. Wear it proudly, a shirt with Susan’s handwriting on it, reminding you that kindness is where it’s at, yo.

Remember that Susan T. Hessel, an incredible writer from La Crosse, Wisconsin, knows, even as she is battling cancer for the 3rd time, that kindness is what matters.

https://www.zazzle.com/kindness_store

P.S. Today (8/29) the shirts are 40% off

P.P.S. Proceeds go to an act of kindness fund

P.P.P.S. The shirts run small so buy a size up

It seems I lost my way…

Yesterday I deactivated my Facebook account.

It was time.

Problem 1: I spend WAY TOO MUCH time on Facebook. I’m not a good person when it comes to moderation. I’m either scrolling through so often that I’m annoyed there’s nothing new, or I leave my phone plugged in upstairs in my bedroom and don’t touch it.

Problem 2: My emotions got the best of me. I used my Facebook as a way to relate to others–to share my deepest feelings as a writer so that other people can know that they’re not alone when they’re feeling left out, or let down. I was chugging along, proud of myself, making sure that I was “vague” when I was talking about personal things. As it turns out, trying to speak vaguely is basically the same as being passive aggressive. I swear, I’m always so careful to say–I know these bad feelings I’m having, someone else is having these bad feelings about me. But, I lost my way. The grief from my mother-in-law’s death kind of sent me on a spiral where I wanted to yell, “See!  See how nobody did this or this or this!” People let me down, and instead of talking to THEM, I spread out all my stupid feelings where anyone could see them.

Problem 3: I was reflecting on myself, but in the wrong ways. I know I am SO FLAWED, and I own that, but I was owning the wrong failures. I was using Facebook to get affirmation that I’m right in my feelings. I think we all need those affirmations, but social media is not the place.

Problem 4: I get jealous. Enough said.

Problem 5: I want to inspire people. I want to make people laugh. I want advice, and I want to see funny cat videos, and I want to know RIGHT away if the president ever gets impeached (LOL!). Instead, I was letting myself get too deep. Too serious. I was blaming other people and blaming them in a really passive aggressive way.

Problem 6: I’m overanalyzing Facebook.  Say what? I was paying attention to who was not liking my posts, who wasn’t doing this, who had obviously hidden me, who was out with me (without me). I’ve been staying at home a lot this summer because my anxiety has skyrocketed since my mil died. So here I am, just wallowing, noticing all the stuff people are NOT doing for me. This is RIDICULOUS. I have incredible, selfless, giving people ALL up in my life, and I am ignoring that and dwelling on stupid things. UGH. I’ve been here before, but I’m WAY too old for this.

I’ve been playing victim.

I never meant to. I honestly just was a little desperate, reaching out for help (in all the wrong ways).

My plan:

• Stay off Facebook (except for my Um, You Guys page) for a good, long, while.
• Reach for my journal when I’m hurting and write it out there, instead of in front of the Internet.
• Forgive. Forget. Move forward.

To my family and friends: I lost my way. I’m sorry. Genuinely, so sorry. My job as a “writer” propelled me forward too much and my “truth” was nothing short of vague booking and shameless ways to get people to figure out my pain and reach out. Which, of course, doesn’t work. There’s a time and place to vent, and this was certainly not it.

I’m back on track now. I won’t stop sharing-don’t worry-but I have disregarded other people’s feelings. I was stuck in pissing matches and not being humble OR kind. I swear to you, it never came from a place of malice. Only pain. Not an excuse, mind you–just trying to figure this all out.

I’m sorry.

XO

Christy

P.S. I still have Facebook Messenger if you need to get ahold of me–or you can always email me at christywopat@gmail.com.