I’m not sleeping very well right now (who is?) and my dreams are INSANE.
Like, certifiably. People from high school professing their undying love, me on a subway train trying to find my stop but every time the doors open, it’s not the right one. I’m a guest on a talk show but when they ask me a question, my mouth won’t open.
(The other day I was thinking about a friend’s mom who had her mouth wired shut so she could lose weight. I was in like 5th grade, probably. But, anyway, random thought leads to random dream, right?)
I can’t focus on anything, my whole attitude is up/down, up/down. I’ve never complained so much in all my life. I’ll try to read a book or write, and find myself thinking about how the little sister on the show Family Matter just disappeared and no one ever said a word about it. Like, hello, Laura, you’re so busy with Steve Urkel you forgot you had another sibling?
I’m the biggest complainer right now that I have ever met in my life. Every single thing just makes me irrationally annoyed. And I can recognize it, it’s grief, I’m familiar with that. But I can’t seem to stop it. I just keep going, bitching about this and that and losing all touch with what is actually important.
Except it all seems to lead to what is actually important, which is the health of my family!
I feel things deeply. We know this by now. I analyze. I follow my intuition.
And right now, my intuition is like, oh, hey, go this way. Nope, that way. HA! Just kidding. That other way!
I’ve been buying too much stuff. Here’s the cycle: I’m sad, so I buy stuff. I’m overwhelmed, so I have to declutter, so I give stuff away. Then buy more.
Well, in the spirit of another blog post that is really about nothing, I’ll leave you with this: take a deep breath. Go outside in the fresh air. Write a letter to someone and rip it up. Scream into a pillow.
Then, we pick ourselves back up and on we go.